Rant

Me right now

This is stupid. I am absolutely disgusted by myself. I waste all day looking at my bloody smart phone screen getting jealous of everyone ……EVERYONE…about things I don’t have control over. It’s annoying. Why is everyone younger than me, why does everyone have more friends than me, why do I live such a shitty life… and WHY THE BLOODY HELL MY AUTOCORRECT CHANGES “LIFE” TO “LOVE”.

Why am I dumber than everyone…. I used be a  smart kid. Why is the WEATHER SO HOT. I don’t even know if I spelled weather right. One of my friend once said ,” Listen if you want your blog to be popular you have to positive things”

Well… I can’t write positive if I don’t feel positive .

*sarcasm mode on*

I have come to the conclusion reading any political news in general is bad for my health. Nothing ever good come out of it and my mind only magnifies the fear and problem that don’t exist around me. 

But I am sick of my life. My obsession with book series “A song of Ice and Fire ” led me to scour Reddit for more and more fan theories, thus wasting more time and focussing less in my life. And my misery is heightened by the fact that Robb Stark could have lived if that idiot hadn’t broken that marriage contract.
At this point I don’t even know what I am ranting about.

It’s 13:57 in afternoon and I am on a bus. It’s hot as the interiors of a pressure cooker and I am angry.

Sorry I meant hungry.
To quote Dolores Edd

“Your boat’s not like to sink, I don’t think . Boats only sink when I’m aboard.”

Train Of thoughts

I had not written anything in the past few days and I see myself falling into this pattern where I would set out to do something and then I would just give up after a while. And this is interesting,see, I give up not because I already have failed but because I simple have already decided that I might not be good enough. Sigh! And as this post goes on, I have noticed that I tend to write in vague terms and although I don’t have many readers , this can be very annoying. One of my friends in the past week said that if I really wanted to have a larger audience then I need to improve the quality of my writing and that I need to  write about more positive things.

And she was right but here’s the thing. The moment I begin to think through what I am going to write, my writings begin to seem unauthentic( I know it sounds very pretentious but i had rather write first edit later than do it other way round. See this is how my mind thinks, I might be thinking about something then my train of thoughts would be interrupted by other thoughts and I would begin o think about something else.

Which brings me to the question–

why not write then edit and then publish instead of writing then publishing and then editing. And the answer to this question is motivation or in this case a lack  of it. See, if I were to write something and then edit, chances are I might lose interest halfway through the process. Now on the other hand if I were to publish it first I will definitely make corrections to the published post out of embarrassment because now I got a whole lot of other people reading my thoughts and probably going

Damn! Too many errors in this person’s thoughts.

Anyway, I have decided not to post about my life goals because as it turns out the more I tell other people about my life goals the less motivated I feel about accomplishing my goals.

Anyway to the person who is reading …. keep fighting!!!!and Never give up.

stop-pause-breathe-cry-if-you-must-but-keep-going

Alone in class

I am not quite sure of what am I gonna write. Its 12:46 in afternoon and here I am sitting alone in an empty classroom. I am earlier than the scheduled class , I might as well take a picture of the empty class room before it gets filled with chatter of students.

Ok! Now its 12:54. The class begins from 1 PM and the class is still empty. I wonder if they are taking this class somewhere else …
Ok thank god. Two students just walked in… and now more and more students are coming . Phew ! But this still doesn’t change the fact that I  still have not completed my book review . See, I was supposed to write a book review and submit it and I was planning to write a book review on The Alchemist but laziness got the better of me. In fact I should be writing that review instead of typing here.

 

Lack of discipline

Why….. why…. Why do I always say to my self that I will be more disciplened today but I  never come closer to accomplishing things that I wanted to do???
I had promised myselfI that I  will waste lesser time in social media and more time reading my books ,learning to code, writing something .. hell even reading something valuable on internet (like internet security )…. than every morning I wake up late … and its the same process… then I begin to stress  out ,how am I going to accomplish anything ??? Sighh !!! 

I guess  I will have to stop trying to accomplish so many thing and focus on dew things and actually do something this time. And I have to be honest with my self  …. I can lie to myself telling my self that I did everything (which I may not have done ..)   but statistics don’t lie … and that I did not accomplish anything productive ….
I have to strive for better tomorrow ..
Good night .

Getting out of anxiety 

It’s late at night and my mind is racing …..

I just can’t think. I am scared of future ,sad about my past . I feel as if my life will never get any better. I don’t know if I will ever get a job … if I will ever be happy again … people my age will have moved on and feel like crying .

I have to study but I can’t focus …. I remember my childhood and remember how I used to be happy all the time … and now I look back and wonder what happened????? Where did it go wrong ??whenever  I am  all scared I call papa and I call my older brother and I wonder how will I ever manage without them… then I am moved to tears … 
I can’t live like this ….I have to become stronger than this…..

deep breaths ….. deep breaths…..

Procrastination and fear

 

I don’t know how to explain this situation to you. You think your life is not going anywhere, you accomplished nothing today, so you decide to do something with it.(Because in long run we will all be dead and you wanna be able to say that you did something with your life in your younger years).

So you think what think what to do with your life and when you really think about it you begin to panic because other people your age accomplished so many things and you are stuck with nothing. Like in my case its ok, we will handle one thing at a time. I will firs focus on my education, get my grades up. So i open my books take one long look at it and ….. here’s how my thought process goes

  1. Oh! shit! this looks tough.I cant understand a word of it. what am i gonna do ……. i am going to fail… 😥 But wait I can’t give up. Ok we will start studying today But first let’s check the Internet…

  2. DAMN!!!! People do live a good life. I wish my life was like theirs. OK what do i need to do make my life like theirs….Right oh yes… I need money… I need a job … I need to study hard 😥

  3. So I am going start studying from today and also write blogs.*Make an account on wordpress feels too lazy to write … gives up*……….BUT I DID EVERYTHING IN MY POWER 😦  *cries in a corner*

  4. *thinks* what is the meaning of life ??? what is the point of life???               *wastes 2 hours* Sigh!! guess I can’t figure out life. *Takes a look at the pile of books* I gotta arrange them too. I have so much work to do but first I must write  a post.💪(I am going to do it).

  5. *thinks* But what do i write about…Oh yes procrastination !                         *wastes another half an hour looking through google images for a image to use.*  What if those images are copyrighted…..OK I am not going to use a google image.*then wastes another half an hour looking through the right emoji(see above) to use (trues story by the way)* 

  6. *writes a very mediocre post*

I THINK THIS MIGHT JUST BE MY MASTERPIECE.

Mwahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*POSTS. RUNS AWAY. EXPECTS CRITICISM AND HIDES FROM HUMANITY*

🤞

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑